BOOM! GRIND TOWN CITY: HOLIDAY FUCK FEST (a rough draft)

(When I first wrote out this draft, I had an exact holiday in mind, and I wrote it with the characters from that holiday in mind.
  But when I showed the initial draft to people they were repulsed, confused, and outright offended. So I decided to to a search and replace on any mention of the main character or reference to the holiday in this text and just put a generic place holder over it.
I'm fairly certain that all allusions to it have been edited out. I will decide on another character on a later date. Enjoy!)

So there's like this kid, right? And his mom...No! His STEP-mom won't let him go ride skateboards with his skate gang 'the brotherhood of the shred' because of some gay holiday (we'll figure that shit out later) and his relatives are coming.
  Naturally dude is bummed out. So he's moping in his room, listening to Black Flag's My War backwards when he hears a knock on his window. He puts down the meth (He also was smoking meth, Should have mentioned that but my backspacne keys hgot stukc godfs da,n it hodfl on im gonna rtrie ott fix it just aminute... Okay I think it's better.)
  He puts down the meth and goes to see who's outside and wouldn't you know its 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' standing right in front of him
  He's blown away! he can't believe 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' is at his house so he says "What's up 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' why are you at my here instead of doing ' APPROPRIATE HOLIDAY TRADITIONS' ?"
  'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' smiles back at him and says " I heard from 'OTHER WELL KNOWN HOLIDAY FIGURE' that your mom was being a total buzzfucker and ruining your 'UNDECIDED HOLIDAY' for you. So I decided I'd take you out on a 'UNDECIDED HOLIDAY' ride on my magic skateboard!
 Dude get's really excited but then he frowns, knowing that his step mom forbade him to go outside and skate "But 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' how will we escape without my step mom knowing?"
'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' chuckles and replies "
That won't be a problem, I slipped her a roofie!" Dude high fives 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' "ALRIGHT! LET'S RIDE!"

(Then something happens in between...we'll worry about that later)

  So dude returns to his home after a night of sweet stalefish to fakies and totally tweaked out boneless's over tranny's and he has to now say goodbye to 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE'
  "Oh 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' I had the best night of my life! I don't ever want it to end..."
  'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' looks at him longingly and cracks a smile  "it doesn't have to..."
  Then 'A RECOGNIZABLE HOLIDAY FIGURE' takes Dude in his arms and starts kissing him passionately. Dude gets mad wet from this and starts rubbing all over Jesus's dick...
  "Oh yeah Jesus take me, take me now!"
  Jesus rips dude's pants off "I've been waiting to do this to you for a long ass time."
  Dude laughs
  "Speaking of 'long ass', why don't you take that LONG dick of yours and put it in my ASS"
  Jesus gets wood and is about to thrust, when the scene fades out and we cut back to reality where we see that Dude really just overdosed on meth and this was all a crazy, meth dream.
The End!